As a bad guy, do you feel that you are not getting your point across? Has your goody two shoes counterpart been an unceasing menace in your grand scheme to take over the world? Before you give up on all hope of planetary domination, you might want to check out the crash course for Hollywood villains, which is a three week training camp showing bad guys how to be even badder. We begin by flying you out to our secret training camp located in the heart of a dormant volcano, but don't worry about getting thirsty, because there is a full liquor bar available, as well as catered food by world renowned chef, Gordon Ramsey. We also have many work shops to help villains improve their techniques and avoid common mistakes:
Super Villain Speech Class-As a villain, we know it's important that you give a little exposition, but we also realize that the longer speeches tend to give the hero ample time to escape. C.C.H.V. will show you how to get your diabolical plot across in half the time, but still retain that ominous build up for which you were aiming.
Expert shooting exercises for you and your henchmen. Every villain knows how hard it can be to hit the hero of the day, even when you have 20-30 men at your disposal with automatic weapons. C.C.H.V. has hired only the finest assassins to show you and your men how to aim at and shoot another person! We mean kill shots too, no shoulder wounds, no grazing, no missing vital organs, we shoot to kill, folks.
Menacing Laugh Workshops-What villain wouldn't be complete without a devious, almost blood curdling laugh? Work with our many finely trained speech pathologists as they teach you to laugh from the belly and really give a sense of unbridled insanity when you confront the next hero that comes and tries to stop you. Our staff members also train you in the methods of detecting life signs, so that you don't laugh ominously without being completely sure that you have in fact ended the hero effectively.
Money Management-We realize that many villains need plenty of cash to carry out their plans and not only can we help you in the planning of your capers, but also, we have a host of black market organizations that offer their services to help make your dark dreams come true. All of our trained killers are recommended via FireYourAssassin.com. We also have huge lists of law enforcement and government officials who accept bribes and well as kick backs in your area!
In addition to all of our helpful workshops, there will be a host of guest speakers that will speak on many subjects including "Psychological Warfare? Worth the time or not?" and "Wild Animals That Make Threatening Pets" and of course, "Getting the Girl: The Ins and Outs of Capturing the Hero's Girlfriend and Keeping her Captured!"
After your three weeks is over, you will receive a certificate of completion that you can hang up proudly in your evil lair. Please keep in mind that by telling other people about this place will cause you to forfeit your own life and also know you have only three days to decide if you want to quit the program and get your money back. All major of forms of payment are accepted, weapon and human trafficking also welcome as forms of payment as well, please inquire further for more details. The Crash Course for Hollywood Villains is an equal opportunity employer and a drug free work place.
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